Things I was told or heard while growing up that have stuck with me until this very day:
"I'd let you wear this, but you know, you won't fit it. Oh, this would look beautiful on you too, but I don't think that will fit either. I'm too small for you." - my mother."Ew, look at that girl over there! How can she not notice that she looks like a fucking whale in that?!" - my sister.
"You're a fat, ugly cunt." - my brother.
"If you keep eating rice no boy will ever love you, trust me!" - my step father.
"Hey fatty, getting a bit porky there, don't you think?" - my step brother.

These direct quotes from the people who were meant to love me most, barely even touch the surface on all of the cruel and nasty things that I have heard throughout the years. They have taught me that I'm worthless because I'm fat. No one could ever love me because I'm fat. I can't wear what I like and I have to stick to certain clothing because, again, I'm fat.

Growing up with such negative people was hell. I used to be a normal sized kid, but once puberty hit, I became slightly overweight due to my body changing. My body was covered in stretch marks the moment I got my first period, which made me an easy target for my nasty family, so I always covered up. I knew that if I didn't, they would see. They would see that they were right and I AM fat and worthless. There was no denying it now, all I could do was try to hide it.

I was 10 years old when I came down with the flu very hard. After throwing up one day, my brother used my fragile state to tell me how fat, ugly and worthless I was. He told me that he hoped that I choked on my own vomit and died. I began to feel unloved.

I was 11 years old when I became bigger than my size 6 mother. My mother would always torment me by offering her clothing to me, just to tell me that I didn't look good in them or to find that they didn't even fit me. It's almost like it was a game for her, or just a way to improve her own confidence. I began to doubt my beauty.

I was 12 when my grandma died. My sister, who had not long before had a baby, cried and yelled before the funeral because she was "too fucking fat" to fit into her dress shirt. She was still smaller than me. I began to realise that I would never qualify as beautiful or worthy because of my size.

Despite all of this, I was never "fat". I know that now.

Fast forward 7 years. I'm now 19 years old and pregnant with my first baby. Prior to pregnancy, I had started to accept my size. I've always been tall for my age, and I had been fitting into an Australian size 14 for about a year, that being the largest I had ever been. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe that an Australian size 14 is the average size for an Australian woman.

Although I had started to accept my size, I still never showed my body off or bought the style of clothing that I actually liked. I didn't even wear singlets because they were just too tight and I can't count how many times that I've heard my sister making fun of a woman wearing a singlet. I was still a prisoner in my own body. Then came pregnancy and everything became worse.

Every part of my body seems to have doubled in size. I have stretchmarks from the top of my arms, down to my legs. I feel disgusting. I'm constantly reminded that again, because of my size, I am not beautiful or worthy.

My partner only tells me that I'm beautiful when I have a face full of makeup and when I've spent an hour on my hair. He only tells me that I'm perfect when I do something for him, as if though my worth is based directly on how much I please him. My mother still flaunts her smaller size in my face to remind me of what I will never be. My sister still makes fun of innocent ladies on the street because their shorts don't cover all of their cellulite. 

Despite this, I still love these people and I choose to keep them in my life, even though they remind me of all the ugly that can be found in the world. I love them despite the fact that their insides can be more ugly than my stretchmarks will ever be. I love them because I know that although they break me down, the reason they break me down is because they have experienced this too and they just haven't learnt from it like I have.

And because of that, I will buy that dress that I've been lusting over because it will show off my lumps and bumps. I will only do my hair and makeup for me, and only me. I will love myself even if no one else will.


I've never wanted to be the change that I wanted to see in the world; I've only ever wanted to patiently wait for the world to change for me. Not anymore.

My name is Jaimi, I'm 19 years old and I wear size 14 clothing. My BMI tells me that I'm overweight. My body is absolutely covered in stretchmarks, cellulite, lumps, bumps, you name it, I've got it. And I don't give a flying fuck because it doesn't change or affect who I am and it doesn't affect my worth.

Have a good day.