Today Kody and I finished setting up the baby's half of our room. It doesn't provide the amount of room that you'd get with having a nursery, but it will be more than enough for the time being. We love our little baby area!
Monday, April 21, 2014
Making the decision to room in
When we fell pregnant I, like many other women, couldn't wait to set up the baby's nursery. As my pregnancy progressed, I realised that setting up a nursery wasn't really the best option for me. I'm very big on breast feeding and I have a lot of anxiety about SIDS, so having the baby down the hall in his or her room isn't really ideal. After talking it over with Kody, we decided that we definitely want our baby to room in with us until we feel ready to put the baby into his or her own room. We're hoping that this decision is really beneficial for our breast feeding journey and that it will ease my fears with SIDS, having the baby close by to check on.
Today Kody and I finished setting up the baby's half of our room. It doesn't provide the amount of room that you'd get with having a nursery, but it will be more than enough for the time being. We love our little baby area!
Today Kody and I finished setting up the baby's half of our room. It doesn't provide the amount of room that you'd get with having a nursery, but it will be more than enough for the time being. We love our little baby area!
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story - the story of how I met your father
In true Ted Mosby style, I'm gonna ramble on a bit, okay?
The first time your father and I met was the beginning of Summer, 2010. I don't actually remember ever meeting him, so this one is technically your fathers story. We both attended a schooling event that multiple of our mutual friends were involved in. I was hanging out with your God Fathers, Daniel and Hayden, when your father approached us. He introduced himself to me, and I kind of awkwardly dismissed him, and that was the end of that. We didn't speak again for the rest of the night.
The first time that I actually remember meeting your father was at his house. Seeing as we had mutual friends, I was invited to come hang out at his house with some of our friends. Not long after arriving, I had a panic attack and ended up going home. We didn't really get the opportunity to talk during the short time that I was there, so again, that was the end of that.
The first time that we actually spent time together and talked was at Hayden's annual Australia Day party. 95% of the people attending were overly intoxicated and were very emotional to say the least. By the end of the night, your father and I were sitting in a corner, eating a big bowl of lollies, and talking about how we were the only happy people there amongst 50 other attendees. We got to know each other a little bit and our friendship began.
We spent the next 6 months building up a strong friendship. Your father was the type of guy that you could turn to for anything. He was always there for a chat. No, seriously. He used to message me so much that I got annoyed and blocked him from seeing when I was online on a social media site so he would stop talking to me. But despite how annoyingly chatty he could be, he was always a top guy in my books.
One night in the middle of June, your father and I attended a party in the next town over with some of our new friends. I remember bringing along my camera and taking heaps of photos of people, your father included. Towards the end of the night I remember looking back through the photos that I had taken and coming across a photo of your father and thinking "Wow, Kody looks really cute here" and so my crush on him had begun.
Over the next month your father and I started hanging out more. One night he invited me to sleep over and have a Zac Efron movie marathon with him. I remember your father crying through the movie Charlie St Cloud and it was hilarious. We really liked each others company and started being kind of inseparable.
One night we both went to Hayden's to sleep over with a few other friends. From what I remember, that night involved playing and watching a lot of Pokemon. It was the beginning of Winter and it was freezing. Due to the lack of beds for everyone, as per usual everyone had to share beds. Your father and I were sharing a bed in the games room which we had done before so I thought little of it. I remember almost falling asleep until your father engaged me in conversation. As the conversation went on, something changed. I don't know how or why, but it just did. I remember your father asking me if I knew what a butterfly kiss was, and because I didn't he taught me. He fluttered his eyelashes against mine and said "that's what a butterfly kiss is!". Looking back, it's blatantly obvious that your father was terrible at flirting! Eventually he ended up kissing me and then cuddling me to sleep. It was really sweet and felt right.
We've been together ever since.
The first time your father and I met was the beginning of Summer, 2010. I don't actually remember ever meeting him, so this one is technically your fathers story. We both attended a schooling event that multiple of our mutual friends were involved in. I was hanging out with your God Fathers, Daniel and Hayden, when your father approached us. He introduced himself to me, and I kind of awkwardly dismissed him, and that was the end of that. We didn't speak again for the rest of the night.
The first time that I actually remember meeting your father was at his house. Seeing as we had mutual friends, I was invited to come hang out at his house with some of our friends. Not long after arriving, I had a panic attack and ended up going home. We didn't really get the opportunity to talk during the short time that I was there, so again, that was the end of that.
The first time that we actually spent time together and talked was at Hayden's annual Australia Day party. 95% of the people attending were overly intoxicated and were very emotional to say the least. By the end of the night, your father and I were sitting in a corner, eating a big bowl of lollies, and talking about how we were the only happy people there amongst 50 other attendees. We got to know each other a little bit and our friendship began.
We spent the next 6 months building up a strong friendship. Your father was the type of guy that you could turn to for anything. He was always there for a chat. No, seriously. He used to message me so much that I got annoyed and blocked him from seeing when I was online on a social media site so he would stop talking to me. But despite how annoyingly chatty he could be, he was always a top guy in my books.
One night in the middle of June, your father and I attended a party in the next town over with some of our new friends. I remember bringing along my camera and taking heaps of photos of people, your father included. Towards the end of the night I remember looking back through the photos that I had taken and coming across a photo of your father and thinking "Wow, Kody looks really cute here" and so my crush on him had begun.
Over the next month your father and I started hanging out more. One night he invited me to sleep over and have a Zac Efron movie marathon with him. I remember your father crying through the movie Charlie St Cloud and it was hilarious. We really liked each others company and started being kind of inseparable.
One night we both went to Hayden's to sleep over with a few other friends. From what I remember, that night involved playing and watching a lot of Pokemon. It was the beginning of Winter and it was freezing. Due to the lack of beds for everyone, as per usual everyone had to share beds. Your father and I were sharing a bed in the games room which we had done before so I thought little of it. I remember almost falling asleep until your father engaged me in conversation. As the conversation went on, something changed. I don't know how or why, but it just did. I remember your father asking me if I knew what a butterfly kiss was, and because I didn't he taught me. He fluttered his eyelashes against mine and said "that's what a butterfly kiss is!". Looking back, it's blatantly obvious that your father was terrible at flirting! Eventually he ended up kissing me and then cuddling me to sleep. It was really sweet and felt right.
We've been together ever since.
Taken the 4th of June, 2011
Saturday, April 5, 2014
You're due to make your arrival in under 50 days. We have everything prepared for you and we just can't wait until you're here.
Since we found out that I was pregnant with you, you immediately became my favourite person in the world, even more than your father. It was an instant feeling of pure love and appreciation that I had for you, and because I have carried you and felt you grow and mature, my bond with you is stronger than anyone elses. Your father has shared his bond with you via me and my body, so he hasn't been able to experience the same amazing things that I have. For that reason, everytime I asked him "who's your favourite person in the world?", he would still answer "you are, Jaimi". It made sense that up until your birth that I would remain your fathers favourite person in the world, but today was a game changer. Having not asked him for a while, I thought I'd give it a go. I asked "Kody, who's your favourite person in the world?" and he replied "the baby."
We both love you so much already, so much that it hurts. We talk about you everyday and celebrate your existence every hour. Please hurry.
Love, mum.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Things I was told or heard while growing up that have stuck with me until this very day:
"I'd let you wear this, but you know, you won't fit it. Oh, this would look beautiful on you too, but I don't think that will fit either. I'm too small for you." - my mother."Ew, look at that girl over there! How can she not notice that she looks like a fucking whale in that?!" - my sister.
"You're a fat, ugly cunt." - my brother.
"If you keep eating rice no boy will ever love you, trust me!" - my step father.
"Hey fatty, getting a bit porky there, don't you think?" - my step brother.
These direct quotes from the people who were meant to love me most, barely even touch the surface on all of the cruel and nasty things that I have heard throughout the years. They have taught me that I'm worthless because I'm fat. No one could ever love me because I'm fat. I can't wear what I like and I have to stick to certain clothing because, again, I'm fat.
Growing up with such negative people was hell. I used to be a normal sized kid, but once puberty hit, I became slightly overweight due to my body changing. My body was covered in stretch marks the moment I got my first period, which made me an easy target for my nasty family, so I always covered up. I knew that if I didn't, they would see. They would see that they were right and I AM fat and worthless. There was no denying it now, all I could do was try to hide it.
I was 10 years old when I came down with the flu very hard. After throwing up one day, my brother used my fragile state to tell me how fat, ugly and worthless I was. He told me that he hoped that I choked on my own vomit and died. I began to feel unloved.
I was 11 years old when I became bigger than my size 6 mother. My mother would always torment me by offering her clothing to me, just to tell me that I didn't look good in them or to find that they didn't even fit me. It's almost like it was a game for her, or just a way to improve her own confidence. I began to doubt my beauty.
I was 12 when my grandma died. My sister, who had not long before had a baby, cried and yelled before the funeral because she was "too fucking fat" to fit into her dress shirt. She was still smaller than me. I began to realise that I would never qualify as beautiful or worthy because of my size.
Despite all of this, I was never "fat". I know that now.
Fast forward 7 years. I'm now 19 years old and pregnant with my first baby. Prior to pregnancy, I had started to accept my size. I've always been tall for my age, and I had been fitting into an Australian size 14 for about a year, that being the largest I had ever been. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe that an Australian size 14 is the average size for an Australian woman.
Although I had started to accept my size, I still never showed my body off or bought the style of clothing that I actually liked. I didn't even wear singlets because they were just too tight and I can't count how many times that I've heard my sister making fun of a woman wearing a singlet. I was still a prisoner in my own body. Then came pregnancy and everything became worse.
Every part of my body seems to have doubled in size. I have stretchmarks from the top of my arms, down to my legs. I feel disgusting. I'm constantly reminded that again, because of my size, I am not beautiful or worthy.
My partner only tells me that I'm beautiful when I have a face full of makeup and when I've spent an hour on my hair. He only tells me that I'm perfect when I do something for him, as if though my worth is based directly on how much I please him. My mother still flaunts her smaller size in my face to remind me of what I will never be. My sister still makes fun of innocent ladies on the street because their shorts don't cover all of their cellulite.
Despite this, I still love these people and I choose to keep them in my life, even though they remind me of all the ugly that can be found in the world. I love them despite the fact that their insides can be more ugly than my stretchmarks will ever be. I love them because I know that although they break me down, the reason they break me down is because they have experienced this too and they just haven't learnt from it like I have.
And because of that, I will buy that dress that I've been lusting over because it will show off my lumps and bumps. I will only do my hair and makeup for me, and only me. I will love myself even if no one else will.
I've never wanted to be the change that I wanted to see in the world; I've only ever wanted to patiently wait for the world to change for me. Not anymore.
My name is Jaimi, I'm 19 years old and I wear size 14 clothing. My BMI tells me that I'm overweight. My body is absolutely covered in stretchmarks, cellulite, lumps, bumps, you name it, I've got it. And I don't give a flying fuck because it doesn't change or affect who I am and it doesn't affect my worth.
Have a good day.
"I'd let you wear this, but you know, you won't fit it. Oh, this would look beautiful on you too, but I don't think that will fit either. I'm too small for you." - my mother."Ew, look at that girl over there! How can she not notice that she looks like a fucking whale in that?!" - my sister.
"You're a fat, ugly cunt." - my brother.
"If you keep eating rice no boy will ever love you, trust me!" - my step father.
"Hey fatty, getting a bit porky there, don't you think?" - my step brother.
These direct quotes from the people who were meant to love me most, barely even touch the surface on all of the cruel and nasty things that I have heard throughout the years. They have taught me that I'm worthless because I'm fat. No one could ever love me because I'm fat. I can't wear what I like and I have to stick to certain clothing because, again, I'm fat.
Growing up with such negative people was hell. I used to be a normal sized kid, but once puberty hit, I became slightly overweight due to my body changing. My body was covered in stretch marks the moment I got my first period, which made me an easy target for my nasty family, so I always covered up. I knew that if I didn't, they would see. They would see that they were right and I AM fat and worthless. There was no denying it now, all I could do was try to hide it.
I was 10 years old when I came down with the flu very hard. After throwing up one day, my brother used my fragile state to tell me how fat, ugly and worthless I was. He told me that he hoped that I choked on my own vomit and died. I began to feel unloved.
I was 11 years old when I became bigger than my size 6 mother. My mother would always torment me by offering her clothing to me, just to tell me that I didn't look good in them or to find that they didn't even fit me. It's almost like it was a game for her, or just a way to improve her own confidence. I began to doubt my beauty.
I was 12 when my grandma died. My sister, who had not long before had a baby, cried and yelled before the funeral because she was "too fucking fat" to fit into her dress shirt. She was still smaller than me. I began to realise that I would never qualify as beautiful or worthy because of my size.
Despite all of this, I was never "fat". I know that now.
Fast forward 7 years. I'm now 19 years old and pregnant with my first baby. Prior to pregnancy, I had started to accept my size. I've always been tall for my age, and I had been fitting into an Australian size 14 for about a year, that being the largest I had ever been. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe that an Australian size 14 is the average size for an Australian woman.
Although I had started to accept my size, I still never showed my body off or bought the style of clothing that I actually liked. I didn't even wear singlets because they were just too tight and I can't count how many times that I've heard my sister making fun of a woman wearing a singlet. I was still a prisoner in my own body. Then came pregnancy and everything became worse.
Every part of my body seems to have doubled in size. I have stretchmarks from the top of my arms, down to my legs. I feel disgusting. I'm constantly reminded that again, because of my size, I am not beautiful or worthy.
My partner only tells me that I'm beautiful when I have a face full of makeup and when I've spent an hour on my hair. He only tells me that I'm perfect when I do something for him, as if though my worth is based directly on how much I please him. My mother still flaunts her smaller size in my face to remind me of what I will never be. My sister still makes fun of innocent ladies on the street because their shorts don't cover all of their cellulite.
Despite this, I still love these people and I choose to keep them in my life, even though they remind me of all the ugly that can be found in the world. I love them despite the fact that their insides can be more ugly than my stretchmarks will ever be. I love them because I know that although they break me down, the reason they break me down is because they have experienced this too and they just haven't learnt from it like I have.
And because of that, I will buy that dress that I've been lusting over because it will show off my lumps and bumps. I will only do my hair and makeup for me, and only me. I will love myself even if no one else will.
I've never wanted to be the change that I wanted to see in the world; I've only ever wanted to patiently wait for the world to change for me. Not anymore.
My name is Jaimi, I'm 19 years old and I wear size 14 clothing. My BMI tells me that I'm overweight. My body is absolutely covered in stretchmarks, cellulite, lumps, bumps, you name it, I've got it. And I don't give a flying fuck because it doesn't change or affect who I am and it doesn't affect my worth.
Have a good day.
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